Betrayal

OK, it seems that I feel the urge to write whenever my physical or emotional turmoil reaches levels so high that it is no longer bearable. Does this mean that I'm a writer? Maybe, but if so, considering the frequency with which this happens, I will most likely wither away sooner than when the amount of my writing done reaches the level of any real importance. Well now, what then seems to be the problem this time?

Yeah, the title probably gives a pretty good hint. As I think you are all aware, it means that I recently experienced a breach of trust between me and a person that I thought was my friend, a good one at that, and to make matters worse one of the very few members of the opposite sex that seemed to care about me. Sure, you might raise an objection that we are now at a website that in a way promotes betrayal, unfaithfulness, discreet affairs and whatnot - and simply my being a member here means that even though I am single therefore not really liable to be unfaithful to anyone, I should myself be next to immune to such deeds and any negative emotions arising from them.

Well, it appears that I'm not. As you also might have guessed, the aforementioned situation does involve sex or in my case (and as a matter of fact in hers as well) the lack thereof. I don't really want to bore you with the details, suffice to say that with this female we lately suffered the same fate, albeit for different reasons: the complete sexual abstinence. I admit her situation is even direr as she is married. And surprise, surprise - her husband hasn't been sleeping with her (in the sexual sense) for several months, apparently because he has been training for some veteran league fitness or bodybuilding competition that he had lately become obsessed with... and has been too tired to perform in bed. And here's when I came into the picture. We are both members of a swingers community and somehow we found a way to each other. And we clicked on the intellectual level even more than I would have expected. We went to several parties together and she seemed to be fond of me, even though we ended up in bed together only once. You see, her husband despite the fact that he doesn't seem to be able or willing to give her satisfaction himself, also doesn't want her to sleep with other men (all the while being a member of the same swingers community as well). And here's where the dog lies buried. Try as I might, I wasn't able to convince her to accompany me to any parties recently - either she avoided the topic when I brought it up or simply chose not to answer at all - but at the same time still showed the same genuine interest in how I was doing as she did before.

All that was true until yesterday. On Friday I attended a poker playing party, it was fun but unfortunately none of the women there were available - either they were the complete opposite of my type or simply weren't interested. I didn't care all that much, just had fun, chatted, did some rounds of wellness and later went home. The following morning she wrote to me to ask how the party went. I told her and she admitted she had a free evening but stayed home. Then I invited her to Saturday's party so that we could catch up, have fun and so on and so forth. She said she couldn't because she was supposed to make a visit to her friends' house so I left it at that and went on with my business.

It was only later when the party was beginning that I accidentally clicked the website to check my messages when I found out that not only she arrived at the party that I had invited her to, she had also phoned the hosts to find her a fuckdate which they did. Well, you can probably imagine how I felt but this was nothing compared to what was coming next. When I saw her nickname appear on the guest list where it hadn't been an hour ago, I didn't at first realize that the party was already starting so I texted her surprisingly to ask her about it and whether she didn't want me to accompany her.

She denied being there completely, claiming that she had to stay home watching her kids (age 16 and 11, no less). And again when I had confronted her with the fact that I saw her nick on the list.

I know I am acting stupid. I have absolutely no claim over her time and I certainly can't choose whom she fucks or not, I am not the husband. But what makes me sad more than anything else is the fact that she feels she needs to lie to me, probably her only true friend.

I positively hate deception of any kind. And my honesty has been the doom of my life for as long as I can remember. And the lack of sex and everything that goes with it. What I really need is someone who will fuck my brains out, for all that it's worth.

But it appears that I don't have that kind of friend any longer...